And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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