ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
