Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
