I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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