i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
