So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
