I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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