I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break