just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.