so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.