Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
