what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.