your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!