it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.