I just made out with a guy for $7.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's like heaven, but drunker
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you never un-have a 4some
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?