he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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