Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
