we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
