You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
