just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we're making bets on your personal life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
