So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
zippers are such a cool invention
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
