We won't sleep together?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
MIDGETS
????
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
