omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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