Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
