I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
