Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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