WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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