dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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