my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
cat food counts as protein by the way
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
