I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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