he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
