so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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