This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
