I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You pole danced in your parka.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
