I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
