Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
