she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
