Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
