God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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