im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
