I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
