Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
