Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
