So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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