y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
