My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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