Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I need to stop coming to work sober
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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