so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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