dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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