apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
