Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
