I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
