dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
