I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You made out with two different species that night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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