4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
