If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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