i just google imaged poop.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
