moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
