everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
