So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
