well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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