just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
