question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
