plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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