I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
