You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
