next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
