I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
