what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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