it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
