It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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