you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
