I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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