saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
